Pain: Physical pain is a very powerful leveler!

Physical pain is such a powerful leveler. No matter who you are or at what stage or place in life. Pain breaks you down and it grounds you like no other spiritual, cosmic or metaphysical thing can. It brings you down to yourself. To be intensely present with your body and your own being.

Pain penerates deep.

Pain has a way of getting to you mentally first and then emotionally. It is almost like a nerve carrying pain directly to your brain and overwriting the wiring. The threshold of enduring their physical pain has often surprised most people. And at the same time, some break down from their beliefs of the pain they thought they could tolerate.

“ Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”    
Khalil Gibran


Once the mental breakdown happens, it becomes emotionally wrenching. There is questioning about life at most extremes.

It is akin to when we attend a funeral and when we return, we question the quality of our own life. We ask emotional questions like, who loves me? Who would cry or lament over me, Or miss me when I am no more? To some more deep-rooted ones like, what is the value of my life? What am I living for? Who am I being?


pain is revealing

Physical pain makes us question our own lives. Incapacitation makes us feel more dependent. And also more vulnerable than we ever feel. And it changes us. Like author John Green quotes in his book “The fault in our stars”, he writes,

“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” 

In the same way, physical pain does not break us, it reveals to us our inner strength. That, of what we can endure and the strenght we carry within us. When we are unable to be as ‘normal’ as we usually are. This physical pain collapses us, both physically and mentally and then emotionally.


Love and compassion can heal all wounds.

It is in these moments when we feel the need for people around us. Far more than we do in our daily lives. Family to love, partners to care, friends to cheer us up, colleagues to understand and fill in for us and so many other kinds of relationships.

There is so much we want, we desire and we expect from people around us. And also when we truly realize their value in our lives. These are moments when we are most vulnerable and willing to take help from anyone who comes forth. These are also times when we feel our voids for the people missing in our lives.

Compassion digs deeper than the wounds.

Receiving love and care melts away and heals our deepest wounds. We as humans crave physical touch. Physical touching connects us to our body, to us being alive and present. It is one of our largest sensory organs, our skins, which is also very receptive. And thus, a warm hug, a gentle caress, wiping off a tear everything becomes a heightened experience and penetrates the deepest layers within us.


In pain we let go, and also discover.

It is during experiences of these intense physical pains that our ego drops. We become completely spaced. We are just as we are. There is no solidity of the past. Only us in our bodies, aware and present.

Only a feeling. One that is changing us subtly. The sound of every sigh and moan in pain penetrates deeper and deeper within us. And that is when it is a leveler. When we are shaken out of our demeanor is when we reach the depths of our own being.

So is there something we can do to change this? Is there something we do to prepare ourselves? How much can we prepare, mentally or emotionally, unless we actually experience what the pain truly is?

Maybe not, however, there is one thing that can make some change in it. Gratitude. It is in these intense moments when we have the most gratitude for having all that we always had, all that we have or will have. And, for everything that we took or take for granted in our lives. Gratitude has a place in everything. Maybe even that last dying breath could never be thankful enough. And so it is with pain, the level that the pain takes us to can become a life-changing experience. One that grounds us. One that levels us-with gratitude!


Emotional pain: https://sonalliguptaa.blog/2018/11/24/divorce-from-the-mans-side-of-the-fence/



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10 books that influenced my life.

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Reading is the insight into everything within me.

I cannot recall when I began or turned into a voracious reader. Reading books was not handed down to me. It was not pushed on to me, neither was it any outside influence…I just became one. It was of my own choosing. I do know it was in my early teens that I began to love words and simply read. I would read all the time. Not only books but magazines, billboards, labels, tags, posters, slogans. Everything. Even vehicle number plates…etc etc. if it was a language I could read…I would. Mentioned below are 10 books that influenced my life.

How reading infleunces change.

I discovered my own self while I grew up with all the reading. Through the fictional stories and their characters. Self introspections and insight into everything within me through various self-help and improvement books. Both the kind took me on a roller-coaster of someone called ME. It has sometimes been just a sentence that completely changed my life. Like my most favorite one, at the end of the book “GONE WITH THE WIND” by Margaret Mitchell which was :

“After all tomorrow is another day”.

This one line changed my life forever into becoming an eternal hopeful. I just am such a strong believer of change and possibilities.

Books that changed me.

This is a huge, diverse…OMG! So many books to talk about…kinda blog topic for me. However, if I had to begin my blog about something I totally love…I’d pick a few of these books mentioned below, that I can recall at this very moment as I write. Books that helped me grow over the years…after I was done reading Sherlock Holmes, Harold Robbins, Sidney Sheldon’s of the world in my teens. They were and still are in any random order as I can remember them the ones that shaped me :

1) The Celestial Prophecy- James Redwood

(I have read and own the entire series of it. All the insights and visions)

 This was the first time a book spoke about the energy of things, and I instantly connected to it. It talks about magic around us, about us, about life and the universe. It is beautifully written as a fiction, and yet it is also very thought-provoking. About life beyond our own body and mind.

2) The Road Less Travelled- M Scott Peck 

I read it the first time for the title. When I was growing up, I wanted to be it all and do it all in my life. To travel the road less traveled. Do something. To be someone that no one else ever was or ever did before. This book gave me, ME. I learnt from it and grew up with its values.

3) Conversations with GOD- Neale Donald Walsch

 (Again, I own and have read all 3 books, that i know of)

Omg, I love them all. Through the conversations with GOD, my entire limitation on the subject was turned around 360 degrees. My way of seeing GOD, or a divine being, or a higher force, source, has changed completely since.

4) The Unbearable Lightness of Being- Milan Kundera

The intricacies of relationships, the being, the love, the passion, the vulnerability, space to grow….all of it. In this one story. I loved every character. And, it is also one of those books one can pick up and read again and again. Each time one discovers another aspect of the characters and of life.

5) The Kite Runner- Khalid Hosseni

I loved the setting, the authenticity of the characters, the STORY. Cant beat that, that is the essence of it. No others words can describe and limit what the book really is.

6) The 40 forty rules of love- Elif Shafak

It is a book I read just a couple of years ago. If I had this and read this in my growing years, I would have loved more, even more! 

7) Rumi and Khalil Gibran

I would take myself to be of very humble disposition in having to write anything about them. Or describe what energy their words and thoughts carry. They are philosophical, YES. Life changing? MOST, most certainly. And I am in awe.

8) The Ten keys to total freedom- Gary  M Douglas 

Again a book I read only about 5 years ago. And I would say this one should be a manual one is born with. As a reference on “how to live life as it should be”. This is another life-changing book, and ever since I have begun to use every single commandment from this book and made it my own, I have changed and so has my life. It is something I will learn and use until my last breath.

9) Being You- Dr. Dain Heer

What more can a title like this need ??? All about being me, for the first time, someone truly cares and writes about who I am, as a being. Just ME being me. He says, “Be You and change the world”. It is something that appeals to me far more than the version which says, “Be you and the world will adjust”. The latter always had a sense of heaviness for me, while being myself and contributing to those around is so much more lighter and easier to do and be.

10) Paulo Coehlo

( Once again I own the entire collection, right until the latest release)

Every story is so involving and yet, at the end of the “story” is a changed life and living and being. I love the way it subtly weaves so many intricasies of our lives into it.

Why I love reading.

While I am trying to consolidate my list, there perhaps are so many more, I could think of where one word or one line or moment…changed or influenced my life. I am also pondering over why I love reading. I love it because it takes me away from my present reality into a world full of possibilities. It makes me time travel into lives and era’s I have never been in or would be in. Reading allows me to explore and know beyond my own limitations. And go beyond the boundaries that I live in. It also gives me my own solace and space to be in.

Why don’t you share some of the books that have changed and influenced your life too? While I’ll just read…some more.

Coffee…Conversations and Books.

Self Discovery!!! https://sonalliguptaa.blog/2018/12/17/travel-change-plan-discover-find-empower/ery!!!

You can leave a message about the books that changed and influenced your life too, here in the comments or on my website:

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Are you a victim for being vulnerable? or being ambiguous?

“Judgments and more judgments for being vulnerable and ambiguous”

Have you been called vulnerable because you are soft? or called ambiguous because you couldn’t choose? And have faced judgments, called names, labels and disassociated with?

Vulnerable is not being a “VICTIM”:

Vulnerable is when someone is totally bare, sometimes to their bones. Having the innate ability to feel everything very deeply. Even the good, the bad and the ugly. Vulnerable is not weak or meek as we like to make it, call it, define it and most of all judge it. Vulnerable is not gullible. Instead, vulnerability is a strength that most people do not have. Stripping themselves off facets and faces and stand there saying, hey, here I am. Or hey, I don’t think I know much about this. Or say, I need help. It is rather so special in so many ways in its honesty and truth. To be vulnerable is the ability to be themselves completely.  And then we have people who judge them. Why? Because vulnerable is taken as weakness and not a strength even by the definition of it. Our beliefs about it are so nascent and deep-rooted due to the limitations of definitions and often into childhood memories of soft targets and easy preys. We grow up thinking or believing that anyone who is not aggressive is vulnerable and so we judge them.

Judgments for being “AMBIGUOUS”:

Someone who is at polarities, and has no definite hard stand on issues. Are all labeled and slotted and judged as ambiguous. Just because someone can say, I think both sides of the fence. Or I am not choosing to push something aggressively does not make them unsure or inauthentic. Probably they are the ones who are more sure about it all because they can see both sides of the polarities. They can sense and understand something far more than the ones taking stands or sides. At most times people push aggressively without even knowing the whole truth. Ambiguous is not wrong, why do we then judge it? And most of all, who are we to judge? If someone is delivering what they are meant to, why do we then judge them? And, if they are not delivering what you want, then why do you still judge their ways of being themselves? just because it does not match the way you operate or do things? It is just that you are both different. Because they are vulnerable or ambiguous does not mean you are right or better than them. It only means you are both different and that you are the one being judgmental.

A vulnerability is an “ABILITY”:

This vulnerability is the greatest inner strength. In being balanced and in knowing yourself. So much that you are willing to show your true colors to anyone who is willing to see them. As you are, in your skin. Not in a put on makeup or mask. It is not about being meek and weak. But about what you are capable of perceiving and knowing. And having the ability to act upon the energy of it. Fully knowing that you have made those choices. It is about being ok to say, hey, “I don’t know” in a world full of people who are unwilling to admit that side of themselves. People are wanting to always prove themselves better and right. Because no one wants to look or feel foolish or stupid in front of others. And so all of this is again, attached with so many many judgments. In the midst of all the false and lies comes your authenticity and the ability to be vulnerable, which not only do most people not recognize but also make lots and lots of judgments based on it. It is about them not having any superiority about yourself but a vulnerability that makes you learn more and grow each time you say, hey, I don’t know it or I am not sure. It is about sometimes appearing to not listen, while in your own vulnerability you are probably the most receptive?

Ambiguity is the ability to “SEE BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE”:

Why does someone always have to choose from within the polarities, like an either-or? We can choose both or more or to have it all. Ambiguity need not mean indecisive, it is you who is able to see things beyond limitations. It is about being able to look at more possibilities. You could be multitasking, and don’t let someone judge you for it. To have multi-facets and then again not be able to choose any one thing. Like “jack of all trades and master of one or none”. None of them is right or wrong. Someone can have an ability to be it all, someone none at all. You can be slow. You can be soft and gentle. These are judgments others are making of your attributes, based on who they are and their beliefs are. And then they also like to label and tag you based on the dictionary and the meanings of the words themselves. But hey, every word in the dictionary also has a lot many possibilities not limited to any one definition. And no meaning could ever describe a person to be exactly as it is written to be. Because we are humans and we change and we evolve with every single breath we take. 

BE true to YOURSELF:

There are layers upon layers of your own self. We all have so many possibilities to be so much more within the one person we are. And within all of that when you are “vulnerable” and “ambiguous”, you are actually very POWERFUL.

It is the power which comes from being authentic and true to who you are. The power which is derived from an inner knowing of your own self, unlike most others. The power from being able to see both sides of the coin. The power which comes from being calm and composed and balanced. The power that is a greater strength in being able to feel everything. The power from being bare and unashamed. The power of gratitude for being who you are.

And most of all, the power from being “PRESENT”.