Are you a victim for being vulnerable? or being ambiguous?

“Judgments and more judgments for being vulnerable and ambiguous”

Have you been called vulnerable because you are soft? or called ambiguous because you couldn’t choose? And have faced judgments, called names, labels and disassociated with?

Vulnerable is not being a “VICTIM”:

Vulnerable is when someone is totally bare, sometimes to their bones. Having the innate ability to feel everything very deeply. Even the good, the bad and the ugly. Vulnerable is not weak or meek as we like to make it, call it, define it and most of all judge it. Vulnerable is not gullible. Instead, vulnerability is a strength that most people do not have. Stripping themselves off facets and faces and stand there saying, hey, here I am. Or hey, I don’t think I know much about this. Or say, I need help. It is rather so special in so many ways in its honesty and truth. To be vulnerable is the ability to be themselves completely.  And then we have people who judge them. Why? Because vulnerable is taken as weakness and not a strength even by the definition of it. Our beliefs about it are so nascent and deep-rooted due to the limitations of definitions and often into childhood memories of soft targets and easy preys. We grow up thinking or believing that anyone who is not aggressive is vulnerable and so we judge them.

Judgments for being “AMBIGUOUS”:

Someone who is at polarities, and has no definite hard stand on issues. Are all labeled and slotted and judged as ambiguous. Just because someone can say, I think both sides of the fence. Or I am not choosing to push something aggressively does not make them unsure or inauthentic. Probably they are the ones who are more sure about it all because they can see both sides of the polarities. They can sense and understand something far more than the ones taking stands or sides. At most times people push aggressively without even knowing the whole truth. Ambiguous is not wrong, why do we then judge it? And most of all, who are we to judge? If someone is delivering what they are meant to, why do we then judge them? And, if they are not delivering what you want, then why do you still judge their ways of being themselves? just because it does not match the way you operate or do things? It is just that you are both different. Because they are vulnerable or ambiguous does not mean you are right or better than them. It only means you are both different and that you are the one being judgmental.

A vulnerability is an “ABILITY”:

This vulnerability is the greatest inner strength. In being balanced and in knowing yourself. So much that you are willing to show your true colors to anyone who is willing to see them. As you are, in your skin. Not in a put on makeup or mask. It is not about being meek and weak. But about what you are capable of perceiving and knowing. And having the ability to act upon the energy of it. Fully knowing that you have made those choices. It is about being ok to say, hey, “I don’t know” in a world full of people who are unwilling to admit that side of themselves. People are wanting to always prove themselves better and right. Because no one wants to look or feel foolish or stupid in front of others. And so all of this is again, attached with so many many judgments. In the midst of all the false and lies comes your authenticity and the ability to be vulnerable, which not only do most people not recognize but also make lots and lots of judgments based on it. It is about them not having any superiority about yourself but a vulnerability that makes you learn more and grow each time you say, hey, I don’t know it or I am not sure. It is about sometimes appearing to not listen, while in your own vulnerability you are probably the most receptive?

Ambiguity is the ability to “SEE BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE”:

Why does someone always have to choose from within the polarities, like an either-or? We can choose both or more or to have it all. Ambiguity need not mean indecisive, it is you who is able to see things beyond limitations. It is about being able to look at more possibilities. You could be multitasking, and don’t let someone judge you for it. To have multi-facets and then again not be able to choose any one thing. Like “jack of all trades and master of one or none”. None of them is right or wrong. Someone can have an ability to be it all, someone none at all. You can be slow. You can be soft and gentle. These are judgments others are making of your attributes, based on who they are and their beliefs are. And then they also like to label and tag you based on the dictionary and the meanings of the words themselves. But hey, every word in the dictionary also has a lot many possibilities not limited to any one definition. And no meaning could ever describe a person to be exactly as it is written to be. Because we are humans and we change and we evolve with every single breath we take. 

BE true to YOURSELF:

There are layers upon layers of your own self. We all have so many possibilities to be so much more within the one person we are. And within all of that when you are “vulnerable” and “ambiguous”, you are actually very POWERFUL.

It is the power which comes from being authentic and true to who you are. The power which is derived from an inner knowing of your own self, unlike most others. The power from being able to see both sides of the coin. The power which comes from being calm and composed and balanced. The power that is a greater strength in being able to feel everything. The power from being bare and unashamed. The power of gratitude for being who you are.

And most of all, the power from being “PRESENT”.

 

#WHYIDIDNTREPORT #NOMORE

A MOVEMENT and A TRUTH to be uncovered…and what are YOU doing about it?

What makes one not report an aggressive, oppressive, gruesome, humiliating act of sexual advancement or harassment?

Whether from homes or workplaces or neighborhood or even educational and social institutions?

What could be the reason that someone who has gone through trauma and perhaps, a life-threatening, life-changing…or even life-taking experience, compels one to not report or even talk about it?

JUDGMENTS

LACK OF SUPPORT
SHAMING
RIDICULE
EMBARRASSMENT

and even more,

HARASSMENT…etc.

All of this, at most times from their very own,

FAMILY, FRIENDS, PEERS, NEIGHBOURS, SOCIETY…etc.

It begins with the questions,

SHE? HER?? REALLY???

ARE YOU SURE?

HOW? WHEN?? WHERE???

(do you get it ?)

Please tell me you do understand #GOSSIP #INSTANEWS

SO,

Why after so many days or months or years did she speak up now?

What was she doing back then?

Why didn’t she confide in someone?

Why didn’t she save herself? Is she really so weak or meek?

Was she the perpetrator?

AND,

SHE IS LYING.

SHE IS FRAMING.

SHE IS SEEKING ATTENTION.
SHE IS DOING THIS FOR PUBLICITY.

SHE IS A *******.

(judgments, judgments, and more judgments)

We refuse to #BELIEVEWOMEN #BELIEVESURVIVORS

BECAUSE

At most times we are looking at them through our own filters and lens.

We look at it from “what would I have done?”

NOT

“What did she go through and what did she do?”

These are autopilot responses from most people in general.

Before some of them, really wear their #EMPATHY hats on and then re-visit from that victim’s point of view.

THEN

There is the #VICTIM and her own #POINTOFVIEW and then there is us and our own  #VANTAGEPOINT that we see it all from.

MAYBE,

just perhaps,

MAYBE,

She was so traumatized that she could not confess or even make an attempt to speak.

She was so full of anger, rage, a fury that she could not think or rationalize or assess.

She was so ashamed, embarrassed, uncomfortable that she was hiding.

OR,

perhaps,

She did confess but had no support.

She did speak up and against but she was made to shut up.

She was threatened or blackmailed and forced into silence.

She was fighting against the odds like an authority, power, celebrity.

So what makes someone make such an insensitive remark as,

why now? Why wake up now? Why hog the limelight? Why the 15 mins of fame through negative media and press?

WE ARE BECOMING

THE CASTIGATING, THE CONDEMNING, THE MUTILATING

population having our own private JUDGEMENT DAYS.

NO.

STOP.

PLEASE stop judging and objectifying someone who is calling out trauma and harassment, at any time or day or hour of her life, no matter who she is.

Whether you support or not, the least you can do is to not

JUDGE OR CRITICISE OR CONDEMN.

It takes a lot and a lot of courage to speak out, to be seen, to be heard and especially,

to be willing to be #PUBLIC about something that is so #PRIVATE.

So when you have a #MOVEMENT

why not participate in it?

why not support?

Why not be that tiny voice who finally might be heard?

Or be that person who is without judgments?

It may not be about justice for them at most times, or about seeking revenge, it may just be about being able to speak up and be heard.

About putting an end to this, about saving another life from being victimized in the future.

Each one of us has a different perception of what harassment means to us, no matter how many laws or rules or guidelines are laid out, it is ambiguous in its very nature and each one’s resilience towards hurt or pain or any such extreme’s vary in different degrees.

SO,

What makes us then be so judgmental?

We are not talking within the boundaries of what law can do, we are only loosely wagging our tongues within the available #SOCIAL boundaries and #MEDIA

We have to really take a look at ourselves here, and question:

where have we come from and where are we going?

WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY FROM:

WHEN generations of women themselves( mothers, aunts, sisters….etc) back then hushed you up against the remarks or comments or even inappropriate gestures by men, uncles, cousins or any other known or important male figures, you would know what #WOMENSREALITY meant BECAUSE you were asked to keep it down, be submissive and shut up for the sake of reputation or family or the relationship/marriage whatever that it was.

OR

WHEN growing up have heard booty calls and lewd remarks and been groped and touched in public places (as much as it is rampant even today)

in those times when it was “normal” for boys to hang out in groups and demean and insult and comment on women as some kind of a “man-thing” or even being forceful and imposing themselves upon them as if that was one of the easiest ways to prove their machoism.

BECAUSE

Women were meant to be seen ( and in most cases, not even that) and not heard.

For so many years and generations, women were behind veils, and now suddenly they are out there, in the face of it all. They are equally there in every field, every place, in every conceivable reality.

And so, it is for us as a society to come to terms with this shift and change.

WE ARE NOT GOING BACK,

WE HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD.

Towards

NON-JUDGMENT

HUMANITY

CONTRIBUTION

BENEVOLENCE

COMPASSION

KINDNESS

This is not about women supporting women

OR

even men supporting men.

YES,

We have hashtags now to represent all of these, but, it is about standing up against wrongdoing. Thanks to social media we all have become participants and have the #POWER and #ABILITY with our words to make a change and participate in creating a future world for us and our generations to come, which is not defined by demeaning anyone, irrespective of their #GENDER.

THIS IS ABOUT #RESPECT AND #HONOUR for each one and each life as human beings.

And we can do this by just being #HUMANE

#METOO #TIMESUP #HEFORSHE #NOMORE

CLAIM…not SHAME your body.

Are you BODY SHAMING your own self ??

OK, so, What does body shaming mean to you???

All of those really nasty thoughts and feelings that are running through your head and body right now…while you can imagine all of those moments and almost re-live them, of others shaming you….STOP!

Yes…STOP!…now, sit back and step out of it, pick up the coffee and get going.

RIGHT?

Maybe…Maybe NOT.

NOT…because all of those judgments, critical words, hate, belittling, disrespecting that you heard from someone else…has now made a nest in your own head.

And guess what? we will feed it too….HOW? by first believing it all…making ourselves small….and judging our own selves, based on the judgments of others.

We will actually make it so real and true, all of those things we hear…that we see no wrong in it, we welcome it, under the guise of healthy commenting or constructive criticism.

In my point of view, there is a huge difference between the two, judgments and healthy anything-that-we-call it.

Because one makes us go deeper into our own shell, and the other motivates us.

But when we come to our own shammers, we fail to recognize the thin line between the two.

The nose, the lip, the boob, the ass…or any other body part for that matter, is never good enough for us compared to others.

We dislike and abuse our own selves based on what others think is their idea of “beauty”, a certain Mr. Smith will always have more than you, or Mrs. Patel will always be more pretty and also more popular.

We, as children have grown up defining our own beauty mostly based on what was in the glossies or beauty trends and celebrity icons. However even more influential are our family and friends and personal relationships and their opinions and points of views on beauty and on us.

Money or a persons position in society has also been a huge indicator of their beauty, someone who is extremely rich, or in a power position, somehow always looks more suave or handsome than the regular jones, or more pretty and sexy…and always dresses better.

We define our own beauty based on all of these things and people outside of us, with unending comparisons and our own complex ’s.

We continuously shame our own bodies within by our own constant judgments of it, which by far is the greatest of all SELF-ABUSES.

And, then, we continue to do so with constant diets and health fads, and crazy addictions.

As early as we begin to know our bodies as kids, in our teens, young adulthood and also long after we have reached an age where we are beginning to set examples to a whole new generation to follow into our future, we are still on a perennial loop or maybe a rollercoaster, which we are enjoying so much that we don’t want to get off it.

So, When does this SELF-ABUSE stop? when does the constant JUDGEMENT and CRITICISM end???

When does the friendly advice, “I am pointing out your flaws so you can correct them”, stop killing you inside and shredding your confidence apart, because you didn’t recognize it as a judgment in the very first place????

When a sentence like this sounds like there is something to it, there IS something to it, because it is not coming from a space of allowing you to be who you are.

When someone can see your flaws before they see the beauty in you, you are putting your self up for this kind of abuse.

When you are constantly seeking approval from everyone else other than that person in the mirror, you are putting yourself up for abuse, because no matter what they say, your judgment of you, based on their approval will still be an abuse to yourself.

ONLY and ONLY when we love and respect our own bodies as it is, in whatever shape or size or height or length….can we get stop self-abusing and self-destructing and self-loathing.

Yes, do all that it takes for it to be healthy, that which is again defined by your own body’s wants and desires and requirement not that sold to you by health cares and concerns of family and/or friends or your favorite pop star.

1. EXERCISE, but choose what and how your own body likes to move and do. Not based on which one makes you thin or lose weight. Or, the one which your best friend joined, or the dude who got his 6 pack abs at, and so you will join the same gym and the same trainer and pay out of your pocket to achieve it. What if your body likes to sway and move, or walk? or swim? or just run with the winds???? How about choosing an exercise for strength and flexibility and health instead of thin and slim and perfect?
2. DIET,  but again not the fads. Yes, do want to lose and knock off some extra pounds, if it is hampering your lifestyle or your body. but consult a nutritionist or a dietician or a check with the doctor who will help you to achieve it in a healthy way. Do not go beyond that what is natural for your own body. seek expert help if it required, not word of mouth or so-called “tried and tested” remedies. each one of us has a unique and different body.

3. RESPECT, yourself and your body for all the times it shows signs of requiring rest or slowing down and even some pampering. Indulge in it. There are so many inexpensive ways of treating yourself to some indulgent TLC. Do it. Find it. And enjoy it.

4. LAUGH, a lot, like really a lot. Be happy. Don’t give in to people who judge you for your laughter or the ability to be happy. Not everyone can do it. It’s a blessing, and don’t let anyone else make it feel anything other than what it is… a blessing!

5. GRATITUDE, just simply a Thank you. To everyone and everything in this universe. And most of all to your own self. To the body that keeps you going, to the body which when no longer ceases to exist will also take away your own existence as a human being on this planet and in this time and reality. So, be grateful…to everything and everyone that is connected to this life and body. be grateful.

Only and only you know your own body, and only and only your own body knows you. Talk to it, listen to it, agree to it…be loving, caring and kind…keep away from all that is critical and hurtful and disrespecting.

Build this relationship…step by step, day by day, moment by moment, and give it those much-deserved hashtags that you so readily use for everyone else #BFF #BAE

IT IS YOUR BODY.. to CLAIM not SHAME.