Divorce: from the man’s side of the fence.

Raising boys to be sensitive MEN.

#metoo certainly a commendable movement to bring together an entire society and future generations to make a change in life as a woman. However, how many movements are there for a man? I wonder why a man does not begin a movement for himself? Why don’t they come out and speak about abuse and hurt and pain? Openly, publicly or even in so many cases, personally?

Why have we bred men to be so? We want them to be sensitive, we want them to be communicative, we want them to be expressive and yet, we don’t raise the boys to fight back for himself against a woman. Why? because she is supposedly the weaker/fairer/softer one? I am talking only physical difference in this context.

We stop boys from raising hands on girls when they are young as a part of their growing up. We teach them to not retaliate or hit back even if a girl does so, WHY? because he is a boy. He is not meant to hit back a girl. Hence, we teach him to silently endure, that which may be hurt for him, or pain…and later abuse.

They grow up as men who are everything we expect them to be. And yet, they do not speak for themselves or defend against the very women they love.

Bitter battles fought alone.

When a man goes through Divorce rarely do we hear of him talking about the abuse or hurt or pain. Most men endure. Most men lock themselves in. They withdraw. And to top it up, most laws are pro-women and not men.

Not that men don’t fight, but, the ratio is far lesser. Women as wives tend to aggressive, against, hate, spew far more than the men. Women fight bitterly too. Teaching lessons. Seeking revenge. Bringing the man and also his family down. They fight egos and they fight hard.

The man goes through mental, emotional or even physical trauma as much as a woman does. Not only in a divorce but also in separations and break-ups. However, they are taught to give-in to women. I am not going to talk about polarities here, but let us look at what happens in between.

I am not saying men are not ***** or @$#%&^*& or (bleeps). Yes! Before the feminist brigade comes down heavily on me. I am all about empowerment for women, but more so for people. For all of us. Not a particular gender but as people.

I am generalizing here because that is what happens in homes, of regular Joneses. Of you and me. The friends we know, or family or acquaintances. I speak of because I have seen them suffer too. Not ugly, bitter battles…just plain separations and divorces.

The women brain-washing children against their father( for whatever reason it may be) even if the man has cheated, it is not right to imprint young minds. Let them decide what was wrong for them, not what was wrong for you.

The final break-down.

A lot of me, are devasted not emotionally or mentally, but, financially. Because that is the one thing most women do as a way of revenge, take them to the cleaners. It is somehow, most satisfactory for a woman to see a man suffer financially. Perhaps, because that is the one wound they cannot hide. The scars they cannot cover up. Their entire future or maybe even of their families or children are wiped off completely in those moments. Leaving them not only in a lurch but utter desperation. This last straw breaks their back. And this is ABUSE too.

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to know more about me.

Are you a victim for being vulnerable? or being ambiguous?

“Judgments and more judgments for being vulnerable and ambiguous”

Have you been called vulnerable because you are soft? or called ambiguous because you couldn’t choose? And have faced judgments, called names, labels and disassociated with?

Vulnerable is not being a “VICTIM”:

Vulnerable is when someone is totally bare, sometimes to their bones. Having the innate ability to feel everything very deeply. Even the good, the bad and the ugly. Vulnerable is not weak or meek as we like to make it, call it, define it and most of all judge it. Vulnerable is not gullible. Instead, vulnerability is a strength that most people do not have. Stripping themselves off facets and faces and stand there saying, hey, here I am. Or hey, I don’t think I know much about this. Or say, I need help. It is rather so special in so many ways in its honesty and truth. To be vulnerable is the ability to be themselves completely.  And then we have people who judge them. Why? Because vulnerable is taken as weakness and not a strength even by the definition of it. Our beliefs about it are so nascent and deep-rooted due to the limitations of definitions and often into childhood memories of soft targets and easy preys. We grow up thinking or believing that anyone who is not aggressive is vulnerable and so we judge them.

Judgments for being “AMBIGUOUS”:

Someone who is at polarities, and has no definite hard stand on issues. Are all labeled and slotted and judged as ambiguous. Just because someone can say, I think both sides of the fence. Or I am not choosing to push something aggressively does not make them unsure or inauthentic. Probably they are the ones who are more sure about it all because they can see both sides of the polarities. They can sense and understand something far more than the ones taking stands or sides. At most times people push aggressively without even knowing the whole truth. Ambiguous is not wrong, why do we then judge it? And most of all, who are we to judge? If someone is delivering what they are meant to, why do we then judge them? And, if they are not delivering what you want, then why do you still judge their ways of being themselves? just because it does not match the way you operate or do things? It is just that you are both different. Because they are vulnerable or ambiguous does not mean you are right or better than them. It only means you are both different and that you are the one being judgmental.

A vulnerability is an “ABILITY”:

This vulnerability is the greatest inner strength. In being balanced and in knowing yourself. So much that you are willing to show your true colors to anyone who is willing to see them. As you are, in your skin. Not in a put on makeup or mask. It is not about being meek and weak. But about what you are capable of perceiving and knowing. And having the ability to act upon the energy of it. Fully knowing that you have made those choices. It is about being ok to say, hey, “I don’t know” in a world full of people who are unwilling to admit that side of themselves. People are wanting to always prove themselves better and right. Because no one wants to look or feel foolish or stupid in front of others. And so all of this is again, attached with so many many judgments. In the midst of all the false and lies comes your authenticity and the ability to be vulnerable, which not only do most people not recognize but also make lots and lots of judgments based on it. It is about them not having any superiority about yourself but a vulnerability that makes you learn more and grow each time you say, hey, I don’t know it or I am not sure. It is about sometimes appearing to not listen, while in your own vulnerability you are probably the most receptive?

Ambiguity is the ability to “SEE BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE”:

Why does someone always have to choose from within the polarities, like an either-or? We can choose both or more or to have it all. Ambiguity need not mean indecisive, it is you who is able to see things beyond limitations. It is about being able to look at more possibilities. You could be multitasking, and don’t let someone judge you for it. To have multi-facets and then again not be able to choose any one thing. Like “jack of all trades and master of one or none”. None of them is right or wrong. Someone can have an ability to be it all, someone none at all. You can be slow. You can be soft and gentle. These are judgments others are making of your attributes, based on who they are and their beliefs are. And then they also like to label and tag you based on the dictionary and the meanings of the words themselves. But hey, every word in the dictionary also has a lot many possibilities not limited to any one definition. And no meaning could ever describe a person to be exactly as it is written to be. Because we are humans and we change and we evolve with every single breath we take. 

BE true to YOURSELF:

There are layers upon layers of your own self. We all have so many possibilities to be so much more within the one person we are. And within all of that when you are “vulnerable” and “ambiguous”, you are actually very POWERFUL.

It is the power which comes from being authentic and true to who you are. The power which is derived from an inner knowing of your own self, unlike most others. The power from being able to see both sides of the coin. The power which comes from being calm and composed and balanced. The power that is a greater strength in being able to feel everything. The power from being bare and unashamed. The power of gratitude for being who you are.

And most of all, the power from being “PRESENT”.

 

BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN

Because….I AM ME!

Because I know you, I will not have s** with you.

Because I can meet you, I will not have s** with you

Because we can drink and dine out, I will not have s** with you.

Because we can hang out, I will not have s** with you.

Because I extend my hand first, I will not have s** with you.

Because I can air kiss and give a hug, I will not have s** with you.

Because I drink and smoke and cuss, I will not have s** with you.

Because I am friendly, I will not have s** with you.

Because I have a sense of humor, I will not have s** with you.

Because we can chat and talk and call, I will not have s** with you.

Because I am sexy and sensual, I will not have s** with you.

Because I wear short clothes, I will not have s** with you.

Because I can be alone or single, I will not have s** with you.

Because I am independent, I will not have s** with you.

Because what I do is NOT an invitation to you…

It is just me, being myself.

Because I have my own vibe and energy and body… I will not share it with you.

I am a woman…and I will not have s** with you,

Just because you are a man.